I spend a lot of time alone.

Is that a good thing?

Well, no and yes...

I'm a dreamer.

For most dreamers, time is spent envisioning the future... goals, pursuits, destinies...

UNREALITY.

Sometimes this "alone time" turns into fantastical facades...

In the past ten years, I have FINALLY realized that all those dreams I envisioned as an 8 year old are nearly impossible to attain...

It's like eyeing a sturdy branch above my head... I can even touch the limb with the ends of my finger tips...

And oh, I forgot to mention, I'm sinking in quicksand...


I had NO idea that I couldn't just JUMP into BEING a famous film actress, or a beautiful model, or a successful New York makeup artist...

ALL of which I have pursued...

Attaining these dreams is almost impossible, and the harsh reality of them EVER happening is slim to none.

ALL the talent I have EVER met, are beautiful, and quick and thin, and colorful, and trained artists, oh, they are so whimsical and fearless...and lovely... so charming...

"Do you realize that the career you are pursuing, has a 95% unemployment rate?"  my Southern California scene study coach lectured one night in class.

"Why in the hell are you even here?" he asked.

I shifted in my seat.

And then I thought...

"Because I love it.  Because I feel alive when I am on stage or a set.  Because art is the only form of communication I relate to."

And I said to myself, "I"m in that 5%."

So I will continue to live in my unreality until it becomes...

MY REALITY.